Hi and assalamualaikum. So today I would like to share that my life is getting worst and i lost everyone that i love. I wish I could be strong enough. Firstly, I have a bit conflict between my bestf 12y. Its just a small thing but turn to big thing. Im not talking to her since the day that I used tu tegur salah dia and I thought habis situ habis lah tapi drop sampai ke sekarang. We are not talking to each other. And yeah i miss you so much actually. I miss you hug. You know me well actually. I miss to taking care about you. You know what im so so so worried abt you if anything happen dekat you eventhough im not talking to you but in the deep of my heart i miss you so much ! Im worried abt you whenever you go out without my knowledge. Im so so scared if anything happen dekat awak and im so so scared if anyone actually using u as a advantages. I hate looking at my bestf crying. I hate it  so much. You deserve to be happy babe. Please take care of yourself. You are stronger dont cry! No matter what happened i will always be at your side. And i will make sure you are happy. 

This is the second story which is I miss you Hanis. Kita rinduuuu sangat sangat kat awakkk. You have been with me since i was freehair and everyone treat me so bad but you’re the one who take care about me bring me to the right path. Kenapa awak study jauh sangat. Kita kan pernah janji nak satu tempat nak duduk rumah sewa sama sama. You know me well too hanis. Awak tahu kita macam mana dari dulu awak tahu macam mana seksa kita dulu sampai skrg tapi skrg kita makin kurang sbb kita nak cerita kat awak semua benda pun susah sbb panjang sangat sangat. But hanis i know you are still at my back walaupun kita jatuh macam mana pun. I know sometimes awak merajuk terasa dengan kita because before this we used to be rapat gila nak mati. Hanis kita rindu nak buli awak nak buat awak happy. Rinduu bila awak study kita kacau and awak be like “ olaaaaa takyah lah kacau hanis hish “ sampai awak geram and keluar ayat ni “ awak study sekarang! “ and i miss your words “ awak kan ada kita awak kena lah kuat “ tu semua ayat dulu but now bila kita ws awak. Awak mesti tahu kita ada problem. Walaupun kita cerita selalu separuh jalan kadang kadang bluetick awak je tapi awak tak pernah berhenti motivate kita. And ayat yang awak selalu keluarkan “ ola sejak bila awak lemah ni, no okay awak kena kuat. Awak tak pernah down macamni “ and me be like “ kita jaga hati orang sampai kita makan hati “ but shes never giving up on motivate me. Kita rindu awak. Nak manja  manja dgn awak. Nak nangis depan awak pastu solat dhuha sama sama dengan tengku ilham and qila. Nak rasa dihargai lagi macam dulu nak  korang 😭.

Third story, idk why and what actually my wrong towards my bestf dekat merlimau ni. Atau actually im the one je yang rasa macam tu tapi dorang okay je. Entahlah to both of you thank you so much sbb selalu motivate aku bila aku tak confident. Selalu bagi aku peluang untuk aku confident tapi aku takut juga. Selalu bagi aku nasihat tapi aku bukan dengar pun aku still dengan pendapat aku en. Korang selalu geram menyampah semua ada en. Aku minta maaf kalau cara aku tak selesa kan korang ataupun aku ada buat silap tanpa sengaja. Aku tak perasan semua tu tapi aku harap korang maafkanlah aku. Aku tatahu kenapa sama ada aku yg try larikan diri korang atau korang yang try larikan diri dari aku. Sorang aku kenal since sem 1 sorang lagi aku kenal since sem 2 dua dua aku sayang dua dua aku appreciate. Aku cuma tanak hilang korang. And aku nak korang kuat thats all aku bukan tatahu korang ni sbnarnya pendam sedih korang. Aku tahu aku rasa aku nampak. Aku tahu struggle sorang sorang nak lupakan benda yang korang sakit sangat sangat. Like almost everyday korang fikir benda tu. tapi korang choose untuk hide everything and just be happy je sbb tanak orang tahu. Aku tahu tapi aku diam. Jaga diri babe. Sorry kalau aku ada buat silap. 

Last story which is I love you so much you know who you are and you know this story pasal siapa. Idk why I have to feel all this again. Like seriously, im so damn scared. My heart is damn hurt and my tears cant stop falling down. I thought you are going to stay with me be honest with love me when everyone is leaving. Ixora ingat Ixora nak berharap dekat awak 100% like Ixora baru nak cerita everything yang Ixora pendam but bila jadi macamni Ixora jadi takut. Takut dengan apa yang jadi. Ixora berharap sangat sangat dekat awak and end up jadi macamni. You know what is damn hurt nak pendam semua benda ni. Ixora try untuk cari masa yang sesuai untuk Ixora share dengan awak tapi masa selalu tak mengizinkan. Im so scared im so damn scared if everything jadi lagi sekali mcm dulu. Ixora takut sangat. Ixora ingat bila Ixora dengan awak I dont know what feel pain anymore but entahlah. Speechless but cant stop crying since yesterday. Ixora sayang awak sangat sangat. I put high hope on you. Kalau awak baca benda ni semua Ixora bukan minta awak untuk tinggalkan ixora lagi sebab tengok Ixora sakit mcm ni tapi Ixora nak awak berubah idk takkan Ixora nak bagitau apa yang awak kena buat pulak. Awak fikir lah kalau Ixora tanak awak tinggalkan Ixora so apa yang Ixora nak comes with prove too not only words okay. You know what I trust you so damn and everything jatuh dekat Ixora macamni and I feel like should I just kill myself bcs im not longer strong. Im stupid bcs trust ppl 100%. Im still confuse who actually propose me and want me to be yours first is it me? Or you? If you why I have to feel all this. You know what when everything goes wrong I thought you are the one will never do anything that hurt but...... takpelah. I just tell you in case you are scared if my love towards you will end the answer is no i will never end my love towards you but i really really hope u can change everything can built my trust or whatever bcs rn im so stuck and im so hurt with evry situation and I have no one else rn. Im soooo damn hurttttt. Yes im strong but im so damn tired. I feel like no one appreciate me rn. I feel like you are not love me just like I love you. I feel like my effort toward you it just a jokes yang you rasa macam mainan. You know what the convo date is the date that I have plan to make your birth the date that im struggle to find money to make a suprise. You know what it feels when you struggle cari duit and you baling vape tu sampai tank pecah. I know maybe vape tu ada masalah yelah beli package but tbh ixora tatahu pun package is kot good actually sbb haziq suggest me yang tu okay. So i just follow je. Bcs ixora perempuan ixora tatahu benda ni. But the feel when i get to know that. And suddenly you kata nak beli vape baru u know how broke am i? I feel like teruk sgt ke vape yang aku beli tu. well yeah mmg sbanarnya teruk pun. But idk ixora tatahu nak cakap mcm mana apa semua ixora tatahu ixora speechless. Takpelah, i just wanted to tell you that I forgive you and I love you so much. I only have you and no one else. Takpernah terfikir sekali pun nak orang lain. Please if you already done reading this I make this long text of blogger not to make you feel useless and leave me or kill/hurt yourself but ixora harap benda yang berlawanan dengan benda ni semua. Take care sayang. I love you sooooo damn much no matter how hurt am I. I miss you