Once upon a time I was falling in love. Now I'm only falling A P A R T. I'm sick for being like this. I'm hurt. I just ruin everything. I'm so done. Am I dont deserve to be happy?. Am I deserve to be suffer?. I'm sick of being me. And I'm hoping the best key of happiness. Please let me feel the best key of happiness that I ever want. Am I dont deserve anyone?. Should I left everyone?. Confused and disappointed. And it hurts just like hell. Should I give up on what am I doing?. 

Ya Allah please give me the strength. Dont let me lose hope. Sakitnya bila kena pretend to be okay infront of  my family and friend. Damn sakit gila. I miss you so much. I love you so much. No lies. But I know u are feeling better without me rite?. U didnt miss me the way I miss you rite?. U didnt love me the way I love you rite? U didnt miss US rite? Missing you is damn hurt. I didnt regret what happened rn because everything goes suck bcs of me Im the one who put too much hope. too much love. I'm trying. I'm trying really hard but I cant pretend it doesn't hurt when it really hurt. My hearts hurt painful and tiring than a meteorite crashing on earth.

You know what I was so damn excited to go out with you since we have been busy lately bcs of final exam. I tell my bestriend that We are planning to go out eventhough lagi 2 hari untuk jumpa awak sbnarnya. I means like Ixora bagitau dorang hari Isnin ixora nak keluar dengan awak sedangkan kita nak keluar hari rabu.  Ixora dah bagitau dorang awal awal yang Ixora ada movie date dengan awak. I'm so damn excited than u ever feel. I put so much hope. 

On that day (rabu) lepas settle paper marketing. Ixora mood mmg barai gila sbb tak cukup tidur but at the same time Ixora excited gila nak jumpa awak nak spend time dengan awak. Awak tahu time awak tanya Ixora jadi ke tak malamni ?. Ixora jadi a bit emotional sebab did I say cancel?. No right?. So Ixora jadi macam ikut awaklah sbb Ixora risau if u have your own personal problem or anything. I'm trying to think positive when my heart start to feel hurt. I pretend to be okay yes I pretend like everything okay. Ixora busykan diri Ixora kemas barang barang apa semua padahal Ixora barai tak larat pun nak kemas tapi sbb Ixora tahu bila Ixora tidur Ixora akan fikir dulu and I'm scared if Ixora ternangis and kalau dorang nampak semua benda akan jadi ruin rite? So Ixora kemas apa semua sbb tanak fikir bila Ixora dah penat Ixora tertidur terus tanpa fikir apa. And Ixora bangun buat semua macam okay.

Bila Ixora dah bangun Ixora pergi rumah sewa continue angkat barang sikit sikit lagi tu sebab Ixora tanak manjakan diri Ixora. Bila awak ws Ixora Ixora pretend to be so much okay when I'm not okay at all. Oh ya chat kita time awak tanya pilih seat tu?. Then Ixora reply late rite?. Ixora sbnarnya mmg sengaja late reply sbb Ixora tengah tak stable so Ixora tanak effect kat awak. But seems like you being emotional juga bila Ixora late reply. Ixora terpaksa pretend yang Ixora okay. So Ixora pun pilih seat suruh awak duduk kat oku and Ixora seat normal. Macam gurau kan tapi sbnarnya mmg gurau pun tapi dalam gurau nak hide something. Im sorry.

Okay, sambung time awak call Ixora kat rumah sewa tu Ixora dah reda sikit lah yelah atleast kita tak cancel movie kita rite?. Actually kan time tengahari yang Ixora start emo tu kan Ixora kemas barang and dah standby kan baju apa untuk Ixora keluar dengan awak. Nampak kan excited gila tudung baju seluar semua Ixora dah ketepikan Ixora ketepikan dua je baju untuk keluar dengan awak and untuk balik esok. Excited kan?. But petang tu kita gaduh bcs of me juga kan?. And we cancel everything. Sedih gila nak mati. Sakit gila hati Ixora. And Ixora memang fikir bukan bukan dah plus Ixora dah rasa I'm not important to you and you dont even love me. Tapi sbanarya memang salah Ixora pun. But Ixora actually try to understand you. And Ixora tanak Ixora jadi beban dalam hidup awak. Awak sendiri tahu Ixora tak boleh tengok awak susah sedih marah or whatever yang ruin kan hari awak. Nanti Ixora tolong awak Ixora juga yang awak akan marah emotional and more rite?. Sebab kan ixora tolong awak je nanti awak rasa bersalah pastu nanti awak sedih semua. You never know what I feel.

U will never ever feel what I feel. You will never ever feel how much I'm worried abt you when you are not okay. You are my priority You are important to me. I dont even care abt my heart anymore I just want you to be okay. I dont even care if u break my heart so many times, as long as your heart are not break and full of love. I dont care if I dont deserve to be happy eventhough I hope that oneday I deserve to be happy but your happiness is more important than me. To be honest my happiness is you when you are smile happy laugh not when you are crying angry hurt everything that ruin you. I'm sorry for everything. Its not your fault. Its my fault. I ruin everything. Just take care of yourself. I do love you so much. And lastly you are the reason why I started to love watching movie.